My Hopes & Dreams . . . .

 

For those of you who do not know, I have been suffering from an illness that got me discharged from the military in December of 2005, two days before Christmas . It has left me mildly fatigued, depressed (not unhappy but with a lack of interest), and with severe bouts of avolition.

For friends and family who know me but do not live with me, I look fine. I can walk, talk, eat and go out for special and random occasions. But in the comforts of my own home, I am not fine. I have not carried out any of our household responsibilities that required fair amounts of time or consistent effort. And I have only been able to show people I care about them in heart (for the most part) as opposed to showing them with constant and repetitive actions.

I know that it is good for a person to accept themself and know their position in life, but being hard on myself is the only way that I can find the motivation to improve myself and find a better way.

I know this blog post is really intense and it is very personal, but I wanted to share this with the people who did not know or understand my situation.

These are the things that I want to accomplish on a daily basis without ever stopping. For some of you, the first few steps might seem easy, but I have not even done half of step 1 for five percent of the time since I moved to the Philippines (I had less responsibilities when I lived in the United States).

So that is where I am. Although I am behind a lot of other people in life, I am determined to get ahead, not in relation to other people but in relation to myself.

These are the list of goals that I have and they are the things that I want to accomplish as a man and a husband. I want to do these things so that I can live a good life and give a good life to those I love. 

Goals to Accomplish and Maintain by 2017

1. I want to be able to clean up after myself and our whole household on a daily basis

2. I want to be able to do a lot of things for my wife on a daily basis such as helping her with her work & projects or doing things like giving her a massage every night. She needs massages for her health and well being since she gets sick without them. It may be a stress or mental thing but she needs to receive them either way.

3. I would like to be able to handle all of our responsibilities on a regular and continuous basis (i.e. tourists visas, paperwork, immigration visas, taxes, household needs, fixes, etc. etc.)

4. I would like to be able to cook three meals a day and anything we need in between. I want to be able to work really hard and do what I want to do.

5. I would like to be able to do favors for friends and family such as giving them website advice, downloading things for them and sending them information about things that they need.

6. I would like to be able to find a profession that I can do, do well and make enough money to earn my own keep.

To my dear wife, Emafe Rice. . . 

Thank you for loving me and staying with me through all of my troubles. And thank you for supporting me and always encouraging me to do and be better, from step one all the way to step two. 

You have been and are my biggest inspiration and I will always look up to and admire the effort that you have put forth, from birth to where you are now. You have accomplished wonders my love and I am your biggest fan!

I love you :)
- Christopher

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Happy Birthday on Your Special Day - Thank You

Dear Fema,
I wish that I could say the perfect words to express how I feel, appreciate and cherish you as a person. The words "you are everything to me" does not give justice to the inner committment and appointed importance that my actions so desperately try to impress.

You have been by me for three straight years, and you know all of my imperfections. When I fall short you see my failures, flaws and shortcomings. You have shared the burden of my problems while working hard on my behalf, striving so that we can be happy and live a good life, from now and into the future.

Thanks for making up for all the things that I can't do, and thanks for being on my team and moving forward when I felt like it wasn't possible. You are and will always be amazing to me, and I am so very happy to have you in my life.

Happy birthday birthday girl. . . :)

I love you!!!!

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A Letter to My Wife for 2012

Dear Fema,

It is a new year and we already have so many more hopes and dreams.  I want you to know how proud I am of you for doing so many things that I am not capable of doing myself.  

A lot of people do not know how much work you put into filming, editing and blogging, but since I am always with you, I most definitely know.

It has been 2 years since you were first introduced to 24-hour internet access.  At the time, you did not know what YouTube was, how to "Google", film, edit, blog or crop, and you had to have me by your side to learn things everyday.  But look at you now and see how your shining! Your talking, writing and creating everything all by yourself. You are also more fluent in English and you teach me new things every day.

Sometimes it is hard to see how far we have come but it might help to remember the hopes of your past. Like wanting to be a YouTube Partner, adding a channel banner, filming in HD, reaching 1k, 2k, 3k, 4k, and 5,000 subscribers. And things like learning how to cut out your own pictures in Photoshop.  These may be minor accomplishments by themselves but as a whole they are "massive".
  

Continue striving and always remember to remember all the mini and macro accomplishments you have made along the way!

Love,

-- Chris

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Creating a Peaceful Life

Photo Credit: Rock Base


If I want anything I want a peaceful life, full of love, happiness and everyone I know safely included.  But as I've learned so well, recklessly trying to make things end the way I want and fighting every alternative off with a stick is useless, pointless and counter-productive.

Loving to the best of my ability now and today for as long as I can and as much as I can may be all that I can ever do.

Love & Happiness

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My Mom, My Memories & the Absense in My Heart :)

This blog post is about my mom, my memories and the absence that was left in my heart when we were separated.

Although it was traumatic for me, I don't really have any memories of my mother aside from wanting to be reunited with her since we were separated when I was very young. It is incredible what the human goes through and what we endure throughout our lives.

I don't know the whole story or what the details were, but as the story goes my mom left me with one of my Aunts or relatives promising she would return. Well, my Aunt had so many kids of her own and taking care of me along with her own proved to be an enormous task.  Somehow and for some reason the government got involved and took custody of me and placed me in foster care.

Hence, the beginning of my suffering.  Had I never been adopted and remained in my original family I may have suffered all the same but the life I lived is the life I know, and as a child and into my early adulthood suffering was always there.

It's hard when the person you're longing for, the person that you are most connected with, your mom, is unreachable.  Especially as a child when you're helpless, without options and not capable of assertive action.  All I did was long and suffer. I'm not sure whether there's another way to explain my experience aside from saying: You smile, you play, you do what you do as a kid but inside you are still hurting.

I lived that way until I was about 13 to 14 years old which is when I found out that my mother had passed away.  I hadn't seen her since I was 4 years old and I no longer had any memories of her. It was nothing but blurriness and emptiness.  I don't hold hard feelings against anyone but it's alarming that I was eventually told she passed away but for some reason the people who told me about her passing had no interest or at least very little interest in ensuring that I saw her while she was alive.  Such is life, imperfection, mistakes, and hindsight is always 20-20. Part of that was actually my fault for not acting, not pressing and not ruffling enough feathers.  But when a person is trained at a very young age that they'll never see their mother again, by the time they're 12, 13 and 14 they've pretty much lost hope.

But by the time I was 23 I had a new identity, new friends, and a new life.  Looking back, I would say that buying my first car in May 2009 was the beginning of my life as I know it today.  It is also the same time, at least by a month, that I met my wife Fema.  Those were beautiful days.  I would spend time with my friends in San Mateo, California eating dinners, laughing, talking and spending money to call Fema with calling cards and Skype.  I really enjoyed that time of my life as it was extremely magical.

I came to the Philippines full of inspiration and to my luck it played out according to my heart's desire.  Fema and I ended up enjoying each other in person as we did over the phone, and I had a real experience of bonding with her family in Manila and the province.  We got married here in Davao City, Philippines on my 25th birthday, March 5th, 2010.  It was and is a dream come true.


The painful absence has since left me.  And the inner suffering has vacated without a trace.  I still have daily challenges like everyone else, but underneath everything I'm at peace.  I'm a happy husband, a son to my new parents, and a brother in-law to my new brothers.

Although my life as I know it today started when I first bought my car, the transformation from inner suffering to inner peace started when I was 20 years old.  From then on, my outward and inward experience in the long run has continued to improve.  I cannot say what the future holds but hopefully it's bright and not just for me but for all of us!


Here is another photo of my mom:

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What Have I Accomplished in Life?

Photo Credit: TranBC

Further in Jack Canfield's book, he outlines an exercise aimed at acknowledging one's past accomplishments. The theory is, if you embrace the success from your past, you'll be more equipped with confidence to continue succeeding in the future. In other words, if you've succeeded once, you can succeed again. 

My goal is to record 100 accomplishments dating from my birth to present time. If your not busy, take some time to do it too. Realize your success and write it down. It's well worth it.

Here are my favorite moments of success: (share your success list with me)

Birth to 9 years old

1. When I was 5 years old my kindergarten teacher showed my class a jar full of pennies. Who ever could come up with the best guess as to how many pennies there were in the jar would take the jar home as a prize, pennies and all. I counted a group of 5 to 8 pennies then visualized how many groups it would take to fill the jar. Call it math or call it luck, either way, I was able to win the grand prize. It felt good to make my teacher proud.

2. At the age of 7 I decided I was ready to ride my bike without training wheels. In taking initiative I grabbed a wrench from our garage and went to work on the side of the street, right next to the sidewalk. It almost took an hour but soon enough the training wheels were off. I then, got on my bike, looked ahead and rode it for the first time on two wheels.

10 to 17 years old
1. At the age of 14 I scored my first job at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

2. At the age of 16 I graduated High School as a junior, a year ahead of my class.

3. At the age of 17 I joined the US Navy under Aviation Electronics. After finishing boot camp I was flown to Pensacola, Florida for A-School. I finished in the top 5 of my class for common core and after negotiating with my chain of command I convinced them to change my course from Aviation Electrician to that of an Aviation Electronic Technician.

18 to 25 years old
1. At the age of 19 I had $25,000 in savings and investments. This was a landmark of what I envisioned before joining the military.

2. In February of 2006 I made $10,000 in a 1 month stock trade with a $1,000 investment. In the long haul I was not so successful with my trades and investments but it was nice to experience a few good wins.

3. At the age of 22 I bench pressed 215 lbs. This was a long time coming as I had been working out off and on since I was 16 years old.

4. In 2007 I founded Shelter Listings, a 501c3 nonprofit in California. I did the administrative work, web work, and developed the online housing database. Shelter Listings' database consists of over 3,000 listings and many of them include crucial information such as length of stay.

5. In April of 2009 I bought my first car and learned how to drive. I already had experience driving with a driving instructor and friends but I wasn't good at it yet. I also learned how to navigate across the bay and had a new found freedom to go where ever I pleased. 

6. On March 5th 2010, I married my beloved wife on my 25th birthday. 

Thanks for reading :)

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* Notes that Guide My Life *

Photo Credit: Kwill1229

In Jack Canfield's book, "The Success Principles", he shares a method for discovering your life's purpose. He also includes a template for visualizing constructive goals. In this blog I include my life purpose and three of the goals I've set for March 5th, 2015. I'm interested in feedback so if your willing, email me your thoughts. You can also leave a comment at the bottom.

Purpose:
My purpose is to be loving and well intended while listening and talking with others, promoting faith, harmony and personal success in a world full of wealth and abundance.

Goals for March 5th, 2015:
1. Together with Fema we earn over $13,000 a month, we have over $75,000 in savings, a new car and two houses. Our house in San Mateo has 5 bedrooms, a large window on the left hand side of the entrance and our net worth is over $100,000. The inside of our house is fully furnished with couches, beds, tables and curtains that match. We have all the latest gizmos and gadgets and a wonderful healthy baby girl.

Disclaimer: These are astronomical figures and it would take nothing short of a miracle to make them come true. But I am dreaming them anyways, it's free to dream right? And where would we be without our dreams? (August 21st, 2012) 


2. I spend my free time eating dinners with loving friends and family, helping Fema with YouTube and playing with my wonderful daughter. When I have extra time, I visit tourist spots with the same loving group of people.


3. I am perfectly healthy with a good build and low body fat. I go to bed on time and wake up early each morning. I'm full of life and energy. I'm flexible and strong. I maintain a state of bliss throughout the day and stay grateful for everything I have. I am truly blessed.

It's important to me that I consistently feed my mind with positive thoughts, phrases and images. To do this I read my goals on a weekly basis (sometimes more), I live with extreme gratitude and I do my absolute best with what I have. I hope you like my vision and I'd love to know yours.

Thanks for reading :)

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Our Big Day! We're Now Married!

Our time with Ayvee and Aunt Maya went by fast but it left us with a lasting impression. They were there when we read our vows and they were there when we celebrated our reception. This brings me to my next point. . . the reception was absolutely fantastic!

We had an MC coordinating the event as we walked in, there was music, there was dancing, there was speaking and a whole lot of eating. The day was filled with laughter, joy and even tears. Two of our family members sang songs and three of them gave mini speeches. We popped a balloon full of candies, we threw the bouquet, the garter, cut the cake, drank non-alcoholic wine and released two doves as a symbol of love.

Let this be an official thank you to everyone who made it in spirit or in body. Thank you!

I love you Fema :)

Here are some of my favorite pictures:

I love you Fema. Thank you for all of these years! (note added later on August 21st, 2012)

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My Time in North Carolina!

This is my aunt's house.

The repetition of my alarm wakes me up. It's 12:30pm on a Sunday in Marshall, North Carolina. But instead of getting up I stay where I am, laying in a bed in the midst of musical ring tones. It's noisy and a bit uncomfortable but I can still sleep. "Christopher it's 1:00pm"calls my uncle from the top of the stairway. He is calling me to wake me up for a 2 o'clock appointment. I'm still tired but he's right, I need to get up. I make my bed, put on clean clothes and walk upstairs. Aunt Maya is busy in the kitchen cleaning and preparing our day. "Good morning Christopher" she says as she greets me with breakfast. She always manages to make me feel at home. North Carolina is a beautiful state . . . that it is.

After finishing breakfast I take a seat with Aunt Maya on one of her couches. I'm always delighted to help her with computer related tasks since she is a beginner with this kind of stuff and I kind of know my way around. I taught her how to edit her blog posts and change her web pages, now she just needs to practice. I remember not believing that I'd ever type as fast as "grown ups" and now I type as fast as I can think. Aunt Maya's experience with her Macintosh is no different. I believe in her and she'll be a pro in no time.

I've managed to discuss a few computer related topics with Uncle Ramesh but my time with him has been limited, so Zen has been helping him out instead. Zen, my cousin, has always contributed to our family, be it Radha, Ayvee, Aunt Maya, Uncle Ramesh or even me. He and Uncle Ramesh are working on a website to sell relaxation music CD's. I did some work on the site in the past but Zen wants to upgrade it a bit.

Well that concludes this blog. I hope you enjoyed it. Here are some of the pictures I took:

Picture of a "round house" (one of their neighbors).

A sidewalk in Asheville, North Carolina.

Organic cucumber from my Aunt Maya's garden.

A sunflower from Aunt Maya's garden.

A flower from Aunt Maya's garden.

A mailbox located down the road from their house.

Here are some more pictures that I took but with a disposable camera instead:

Picture of Aunt Maya directing her dog, Shakti.

Another picture of the "round house" (one of their neighbors).

Picture of a stream, located down the road from their house.

Picture of one of the roads leading to their house.

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Muir Woods in San Francisco, California

This is a picture of me in front of the bridge.

I went on a decent hike today at Muir Woods in San Francisco, CA. I've been meaning to go for quite some time but I didn't get around to it until now. I've visited the park before but I wanted to add the location to my recent travels. I went with one of my long-time friends from High School. The first thing we noticed as we approached the National Monument was the fresh air. The air was clean and full of oxygen. Before making it there we had to cross the Golden Gate Bridge. So we made a pit stop at a resting point near the end of the bridge.

We lucked out with a decent parking space once we got there but on another note, the park wasn't very secure. Nothing was stopping anyone from just walking in without having to pay. Lets just hope that everone paid, I think they did but you never know. It seems like the park has some sort of honor code policy.

The hike went pretty well. We ended up finding a steep almost hidden path leading off the main trail. I think it was a little dangerous and if either of us tripped or fell, it would have been a long ways down. After an hour or so of hiking, we took some time off and sat on a wooden bench while examining the view. It's always nice to enjoy moments of calmness and I think it's healthy to relax in quietness. It helps me settle my mind.

After walking down from our steep climb and almost falling more than once, I wasn't ready to take another risk, but Ben was. I wonder if I'm afraid of heights? The one regret that I do have is the fact that I didn't balance on the stick. Keep in mind, someone attempting this could easily fall and trip while landing and tumble off the cliff on the right hand side of the picture. I don't think that's paranoia . . . is it?

I'm standing in the very back.

Some of the trees.

I am climbing between two of the trees. It's hard to make out but my feet are supporting me on one tree while my arms are holding me up against the the other. 

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