When I was Younger (and NOW)

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FORWARD: I initially posted this on Steemit.com when I was 33 years old. I am 34 years old now and I am publishing it here, on ChrisRice.xyz.

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When I was younger, the things I believed were largely influenced by the things I read, and other people (or groups of people) who I thought were wiser, and more knowledgeable than me.

But after 33 years of existing, I have now tested a lot of different ideas & beliefs. My current beliefs are now mostly influenced by the results I got from testing those ideas & beliefs.

Ideas & Beliefs:

• Until a person has seriously tested the ideas they express, implemented them to a T, and accumulated a wealth of experience, the foundation for their beliefs, and insight, remains weak.

• Testing ideas and beliefs can help people understand themselves, others, and their environment (a.k.a. their surroundings).

• Some things can only be learned through experience, and over a course of many years.

• In general, there is an age requirement for someone to truly know what they believe, and for them to know why they believe it, without it being some sort of farce.

At 33 years old, I feel like I have already accumulated a wealth of experience. I acknowledge the fact that there are millions, and millions of people (impossible to estimate) who are older, wiser, and more knowledgable or experienced than me, but I still feel like I have some unique ideas that are experience-tested, and I want to bring them to the table.

Here are two of the things I learned, and wrote about, after 33 years of living:

1. The Pursuit of Happiness | Better than Happiness
2. Top 3 Investment Mistakes to Avoid

I didn't know much about life when I was younger, but NOW, I am fairly certain about the things I wrote in those posts. I published them as rough drafts on Steemit, edited them on Steemit, and then published the final drafts on my blog - I hope you enjoy reading some of my ideas.

Source(s):

• The rough draft of this post was initially published as a comment on one of @freedompoint's Steemit posts.

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You can see the life that I live in the Philippines at Emafe.com, meet me at Steem.ph, or discuss philosophy with me at Humanist.xyz.
~ @chrisrice

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Happily Ever After

September 10, 2015

Movies in the United States and abroad have created ideas about marriage that involve two people "falling in love" and all of their dreams coming true. The story-line is usually a romantic love story with a couple who beats the odds and overcomes the challenges that threaten their relationship. Sometimes in the end, the inseparable couple gets married, and as we all know.. they live happily ever after. But is that what it's like in real life?

Here are some thoughts that run through my mind about life & marriage. It includes ideas that are generally not included in the entertainment industry's portrayal of a perfect marriage:

• Our story did not end after our 'happily ever after' started. We got married on March 5th, 2010 and it was a dream come true for both of us, but it wasn't the end. We had many peak experiences full of excitement & happiness after that, and it was more or less intermixed with just as many 'valleys' (hard times).

• The highlight of our marriage, at least for me, isn't the "falling in love" aspect or all of the dreamy romance filled-type images often displayed on social media or portrayed in romantic love movies. The highlight is getting to know what I misunderstood and misjudged. It's learning and growing, understanding my self more, understanding @emafe more, and understanding the mind, life and reality more. I only came to appreciate and receive these things through trial, error, seeking 'truth' and more or less, marriage.

• In a sense, there is no such thing as a happily after since that would mean that the work in one's marriage was done, but as long as we are not dead, everything we think, do, say and want requires effort and work. Everything is a work in progress and that includes our marriage, so the closest thing to a happily ever after, besides a few moments that feel like a happily ever after, is constant renewal.

• Getting married, living one's dreams, and having beautiful moments will always come with low moments too. Every positive I have experienced in marriage and in life, was eventually offset with an equally negative aspect. For a young adult or teenager, it is not always obvious that our positive experiences will more or less be balanced out with negative experiences, but now that I am 34 years old and have been married for almost 10 years, I'd say that everything gets balanced out eventually - there is no positive and no negative, reality is neutral and it's just our personal biases that are either positive or negative.

So in summary, Hollywood and International Love Movies portray a very positive experience for lovebirds that meet each other, fall in love and finally settle down. But marriage isn't all positive and neither is life. Life and marriage has a positive side, a negative side, and learning from both and evolving is just about as close to reality and a happily every after as one can get.

December 1, 2017

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Thinking of the Future

Father & Son.

While I write this I am in our room listening to music and bicycling. Zac is sleeping and Fema is browsing the net. The air is cool in our room and there is a slight breeze from the air conditioner where the wall meets the ceiling. I spend time reading and writing everyday and it's a great time to exercise on a stationary bike.

I started to exercise and improve myself after thinking about Zac. I was thinking about his future and I realized he will have a good one if I make good decisions now. So I am changing and adjusting my lifestyle to get healthier. That way I will be able to guide him in living a healthy lifestyle by example.

​To get started I downloaded an app called To-Doist to better organize ​each day. Apps like this are important in this day and age where it's hard to stay focused and distractions abound from Facebook to Instagram. I plan on teaching Zac to check his daily tasks early in life but in order to do that, I need to do it first!

In addition to keeping track of things I started to take an online course on edX to improve the thinking I do and to get advice from world-class teachers. The course I am taking is titled "Philosophy & Critical Thinking". It will help me clarify some of my ideas and should improve my ability to write articles. 

Those are some of the things I am doing to prepare for the future. I will try to remove most of the uncertainty in Zac's life to guarantee that he has a good future. Wish me luck!

A stationary bike!

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Waking Up

I love you, Emafe :)

Emafe and I went to SM Ecoland again today. And once again it is now part of our weekly routine. Sometimes we visit the mall 3 to 5 times a week. But it is different this time. Instead of just shopping or window shopping we now take time to relax. We still eat at cafe's and restaurants like Blugre but it is now common for the two of us to sit at a nail salon and get a foot massage.

I used to feel guilty whenever I thought about getting a massage. Like I would be wasting money on something that wasn't important. I avoided treating myself for relaxation and self-care. But after years of doing that, the lack of care that I showed myself was visible in my appearance. Not only in the clothes I wore and my personal hygiene but the things I would say and the things I would do.

I am now recovering from years of self-abuse. I hope that unlike me, the world is already taking care of their mind and emotions. Just in case, I'll send a thank you to everyone who is kind. Thank you for being the light of the world.

Our wedding rings.

Husband & Wife.

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Bambu Estate

Memories in Bambu Estate.

Purchasing our first home in Bambu Estate was a good experience and hard lesson at the same time. It was hard waiting for the house to get built and waiting for the construction of the amenities, planned shopping malls, etc. But it was a good experience based on the fact that we learned from it and got to experience home ownership for the 1st time.

The number one thing I learned from it was not to want so much. Wanting is often the same thing as suffering. And sometimes we think we want something new when in fact, we just want to stop wanting and that cannot be done by purchasing new things or trying new experiences. Most of the time though, it is hard to know that. But with experience and honesty, we can all see for ourselves that money and shallow happiness cannot bring joy into our lives.

P.S. The 1st photo below is a picture of the Gaisano Capital shopping mall built right beside our house. The second photo is a store Emafe's Mom opened for a short time.

Gaisano Capital in Davao City.

Mama's Store.

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Memory

Marilou Verzonilla

We met a broker in 2016 who came to our house to discuss a developer that was pre-selling houses in Davao City. We talked about real estate for a while and then she saw our cats. I was in the middle of recovering from an illness at the time and Emafe was two months pregnant. We were also in the process of selling our home. Because of our hardship and unique circumstances we decided to sell our cats. The broker was the perfect candidate and she agreed to adopt them.

Our cats will be taken care of and I'm sure they'll be happy with their new family. But I will always remember my wife’s favorite cat, Toby Boy, the grey cat below. I will also remember my biological Mom (in the photo above).

Toby boy.

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Back in Davao City

Old-fashioned building constructed in 2015 or 2016.

After almost a month in the province we are now back in Davao City. Shortly after arriving I took a photo (above) of a brand new old-fashioned building. It's a building I always notice whenever we travel in the city and I think the construction of it was finished in 2015 or 2016.

After arriving in the city, Mama bought us a jack fruit so that we could have a snack and relax. It was really tiring to travel that far and I must admit, I was a little over fatigued after that.

So today we did something different: Emafe, her Mom, her Dad and I relaxed at a nail salon to get foot massages. It was a really nice experience and I enjoyed seeing her parents relax. The name of the nail shop is Nailandia. I have gone there with Emafe a few times and will definitely go back.

One of the unique fruits in the Philippines, Jack Fruit.

Emafe Rice and her Dad.

Pedicure at Nailandia inside SM City Ecoland.

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Photograph

Emafe & Chris Rice.

Emafe and I were laying down last night and I asked her if we could take a photo together. It is now one of the many photos we have taken together as a married couple. I also asked Jake if I could take a photo of him.

I upload my photos to Instagram and I like the fact that it's like a personal diary. I have a lot of our memories there. IG (Instagram) can be less stressful for people who want to avoid reading the rants of their peers. It is mainly for photography, not text.

I hope you enjoy IG, Facebook and the Internet. If used properly they can relieve stress but if used incorrectly, they can generate stress. Have a good day everyone.

Jake.

Dried fish.

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The Top of a Mountain

Emafe & her relatives.

Emafe and I visited a mountain top the other day. It is actually where some of her relatives live. I felt a little discomfort at first since it was a new scenery and I felt a little stressed from the news I saw on TV. But then it was time to sit down and look at the chickens that live there.

A chicken's eye looks like a fish eye and their necks move fast in twitching-like motions. I saw how innocent they were and felt a sense of peace watching them take care of their young. I also took a few moments to look at the mountains that sat off in the distance.

The last thing everyone did was play volleyball. I didn’t play but I took a few pictures to remember this moment. Thanks everyone for reading! :)

Emafe & Chris Rice.

Mama chicken and her chic.

Chicken playing peek-a-boo.

Walking chickens.

Coconut trees on a mountain.

The family playing volleyball.

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Holy Child (school) in Davao City

Jake’s in his Holy Child outfit. 

Holy Child is the school he went to in Davao City (2016).

This is one of the good memories that I share with Jake. He was wearing his Holy Child t-shirt with red face paint and his Ate Emafe is the one who took the photo.

Holy Child is the school he went to when we lived in Mintal of Davao City. It was an English speaking school and the education there was good. There were a lot of school projects and extracurricular activities like swimming and taekwando.

On the day of this photo Jake was singing at a Holy Child event with his classmates. And he was singing so loud that the veins in his neck were getting really large. And I remember seeing a strong sense of innocence in his expression and gestures. That is probably the closest thing to fatherhood besides my wife’s pregnancy that I have ever experienced.

So I am looking forward to more interactions like that with Jake, and especially the birth of my son, Zac Lucas Rice. I have a good sense that the day he is born will be similar and probably a lot more intense. It will be the first time I witness the miracle of life in person and I predict it will be a day of pure joy :)

Jake & Renz (July of 2015)

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Two Leaders

Emafe's Dad in his store.

I have had a good time since I moved to the Philippines. Distance has been a slight issue since I am far from the friends and family members I grew up with but in terms of self-growth and personal development, I had no choice but to move to the Philippines.

Life is simpler here. Maybe not for everyone but at least it is for me. I learned a lot by being around people who often do more with less. 

Emafe and her Dad are two of the people I learned from. Her Mom, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends and everyone else I met in the Philippines taught me a lot too but it is Emafe who helped me appreciate animals, her Father who helped me appreciate plants, and both of them showed dedication towards helping me improve my health, lifestyle and understanding. 

Emafe is a leader, just like her Dad. I'm proud to see their similarities and I love them both.

Renz is practicing his photobombing skills in the background :)

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PRESENT

At Paradise Island with my wife and her younger brother (mid-2014)

March of 2015 will mark the 5 year wedding anniversary that I share with my wife. It will also be my 6th year in the Philippines starting in August of this year. The longer I stay, the deeper I think. I usually think about how I would envision my future before and the beautiful things I ended up experiencing.

I am sure I am not the only one who thinks more deeply as time goes by. I don't think it has as much to do with moving to the Philippines as it has to do with getting older. That leads me to point out that humans are constantly thinking since there are so many thoughts that travel in a person's mind.

One of the things I think about is patterns. I notice patterns in my life that happen over and over again. Some of them are positive and some of them are negative. A specific pattern that has happened in my life more than once is starting a new life. I started a new life when I was adopted into a foster family and I started a new life when I left my foster family and friends to join the military in 2002. I also started a new life in 2009 when I moved to the Philippines.

The important thing for me is breaking the old patterns and continuing the cycles that benefit me and the people I love. I am okay with moving around and changing my country of residence, but I don't want to let time and distance divide me from people who helped me and encouraged me to grow. It's a noble concept but in a world where everyone's busy and travel isn't cheap, it isn't always achieved. I however have confidence that if I start now I can slowly reconnect with everyone in my past and bring together the bits and pieces of my 'pasts' and unite them with my present.

At the fishpond in Davao City w/my wife and her dad (December of 2014).

At another park in Davao City w/my wife, her brother & mom (November of 2014).

Next to my wife and her brother + cousin (4th quarter of 2014)

Eating w/my wife, her brother and two of her cousins (October of 2014).

Meetup w/friends we met from YouTube (September of 2014).

Meetup w/more friends we met from YouTube (4th quarter of 2014).

Meetup with friends from YouTube again (January of 2015).

Meetup w/our friend Vengie (4th quarter of 2014).

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My Hopes & Dreams . . . .

 

For those of you who do not know, I have been suffering from an illness that got me discharged from the military in December of 2005, two days before Christmas . It has left me mildly fatigued, depressed (not unhappy but with a lack of interest), and with severe bouts of avolition.

For friends and family who know me but do not live with me, I look fine. I can walk, talk, eat and go out for special and random occasions. But in the comforts of my own home, I am not fine. I have not carried out any of our household responsibilities that required fair amounts of time or consistent effort. And I have only been able to show people I care about them in heart (for the most part) as opposed to showing them with constant and repetitive actions.

I know that it is good for a person to accept themself and know their position in life, but being hard on myself is the only way that I can find the motivation to improve myself and find a better way.

I know this blog post is really intense and it is very personal, but I wanted to share this with the people who did not know or understand my situation.

These are the things that I want to accomplish on a daily basis without ever stopping. For some of you, the first few steps might seem easy, but I have not even done half of step 1 for five percent of the time since I moved to the Philippines (I had less responsibilities when I lived in the United States).

So that is where I am. Although I am behind a lot of other people in life, I am determined to get ahead, not in relation to other people but in relation to myself.

These are the list of goals that I have and they are the things that I want to accomplish as a man and a husband. I want to do these things so that I can live a good life and give a good life to those I love. 

Goals to Accomplish and Maintain by 2017

1. I want to be able to clean up after myself and our whole household on a daily basis

2. I want to be able to do a lot of things for my wife on a daily basis such as helping her with her work & projects or doing things like giving her a massage every night. She needs massages for her health and well being since she gets sick without them. It may be a stress or mental thing but she needs to receive them either way.

3. I would like to be able to handle all of our responsibilities on a regular and continuous basis (i.e. tourists visas, paperwork, immigration visas, taxes, household needs, fixes, etc. etc.)

4. I would like to be able to cook three meals a day and anything we need in between. I want to be able to work really hard and do what I want to do.

5. I would like to be able to do favors for friends and family such as giving them website advice, downloading things for them and sending them information about things that they need.

6. I would like to be able to find a profession that I can do, do well and make enough money to earn my own keep.

To my dear wife, Emafe Rice. . . 

Thank you for loving me and staying with me through all of my troubles. And thank you for supporting me and always encouraging me to do and be better, from step one all the way to step two. 

You have been and are my biggest inspiration and I will always look up to and admire the effort that you have put forth, from birth to where you are now. You have accomplished wonders my love and I am your biggest fan!

I love you :)
- Christopher

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My Mom, My Memories & the Absense in My Heart :)

This blog post is about my mom, my memories and the absence that was left in my heart when we were separated.

Although it was traumatic for me, I don't really have any memories of my mother aside from wanting to be reunited with her since we were separated when I was very young. It is incredible what the human goes through and what we endure throughout our lives.

I don't know the whole story or what the details were, but as the story goes my mom left me with one of my Aunts or relatives promising she would return. Well, my Aunt had so many kids of her own and taking care of me along with her own proved to be an enormous task.  Somehow and for some reason the government got involved and took custody of me and placed me in foster care.

Hence, the beginning of my suffering.  Had I never been adopted and remained in my original family I may have suffered all the same but the life I lived is the life I know, and as a child and into my early adulthood suffering was always there.

It's hard when the person you're longing for, the person that you are most connected with, your mom, is unreachable.  Especially as a child when you're helpless, without options and not capable of assertive action.  All I did was long and suffer. I'm not sure whether there's another way to explain my experience aside from saying: You smile, you play, you do what you do as a kid but inside you are still hurting.

I lived that way until I was about 13 to 14 years old which is when I found out that my mother had passed away.  I hadn't seen her since I was 4 years old and I no longer had any memories of her. It was nothing but blurriness and emptiness.  I don't hold hard feelings against anyone but it's alarming that I was eventually told she passed away but for some reason the people who told me about her passing had no interest or at least very little interest in ensuring that I saw her while she was alive.  Such is life, imperfection, mistakes, and hindsight is always 20-20. Part of that was actually my fault for not acting, not pressing and not ruffling enough feathers.  But when a person is trained at a very young age that they'll never see their mother again, by the time they're 12, 13 and 14 they've pretty much lost hope.

But by the time I was 23 I had a new identity, new friends, and a new life.  Looking back, I would say that buying my first car in May 2009 was the beginning of my life as I know it today.  It is also the same time, at least by a month, that I met my wife Fema.  Those were beautiful days.  I would spend time with my friends in San Mateo, California eating dinners, laughing, talking and spending money to call Fema with calling cards and Skype.  I really enjoyed that time of my life as it was extremely magical.

I came to the Philippines full of inspiration and to my luck it played out according to my heart's desire.  Fema and I ended up enjoying each other in person as we did over the phone, and I had a real experience of bonding with her family in Manila and the province.  We got married here in Davao City, Philippines on my 25th birthday, March 5th, 2010.  It was and is a dream come true.


The painful absence has since left me.  And the inner suffering has vacated without a trace.  I still have daily challenges like everyone else, but underneath everything I'm at peace.  I'm a happy husband, a son to my new parents, and a brother in-law to my new brothers.

Although my life as I know it today started when I first bought my car, the transformation from inner suffering to inner peace started when I was 20 years old.  From then on, my outward and inward experience in the long run has continued to improve.  I cannot say what the future holds but hopefully it's bright and not just for me but for all of us!


Here is another photo of my mom:

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* Notes that Guide My Life *

Photo Credit: Kwill1229

In Jack Canfield's book, "The Success Principles", he shares a method for discovering your life's purpose. He also includes a template for visualizing constructive goals. In this blog I include my life purpose and three of the goals I've set for March 5th, 2015. I'm interested in feedback so if your willing, email me your thoughts. You can also leave a comment at the bottom.

Purpose:
My purpose is to be loving and well intended while listening and talking with others, promoting faith, harmony and personal success in a world full of wealth and abundance.

Goals for March 5th, 2015:
1. Together with Fema we earn over $13,000 a month, we have over $75,000 in savings, a new car and two houses. Our house in San Mateo has 5 bedrooms, a large window on the left hand side of the entrance and our net worth is over $100,000. The inside of our house is fully furnished with couches, beds, tables and curtains that match. We have all the latest gizmos and gadgets and a wonderful healthy baby girl.

Disclaimer: These are astronomical figures and it would take nothing short of a miracle to make them come true. But I am dreaming them anyways, it's free to dream right? And where would we be without our dreams? (August 21st, 2012) 


2. I spend my free time eating dinners with loving friends and family, helping Fema with YouTube and playing with my wonderful daughter. When I have extra time, I visit tourist spots with the same loving group of people.


3. I am perfectly healthy with a good build and low body fat. I go to bed on time and wake up early each morning. I'm full of life and energy. I'm flexible and strong. I maintain a state of bliss throughout the day and stay grateful for everything I have. I am truly blessed.

It's important to me that I consistently feed my mind with positive thoughts, phrases and images. To do this I read my goals on a weekly basis (sometimes more), I live with extreme gratitude and I do my absolute best with what I have. I hope you like my vision and I'd love to know yours.

Thanks for reading :)

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